Reclaiming Your Sexuality at Any Age
- Rachael Hibbert
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
We often—and wrongly—assume that sexuality fades with age, or that sexual fulfillment only makes sense during a certain stage of life. And yet, some life journeys remind us that it is never too late to reinvent ourselves, to break free from old patterns, and to live a sexuality that aligns with who we have become.
François, 86, is a wonderful example of this.
Awakening Desire, Despite the Loss of Erections
François came to see me at a turning point in his life: following treatment for an illness, his erections had disappeared, but his desire remained very much alive. A quiet frustration lived inside him. He no longer knew how to inhabit his male body, nor how to offer pleasure to a partner without feeling powerless.
Through our early exchanges, I sensed a man full of sensitivity, curiosity, and latent erotic intelligence—yet trapped by rigid stereotypes about virility and penetration.
A Hybrid Therapy, Between Zoom and Written Exchanges
Our first sessions took place via video. But we quickly explored a format that suited François better: therapeutic support through writing. He could speak freely about his memories, fantasies, and blocks, without the anxiety of having to perform or justify himself in real time.
It was through writing that François reconnected with his intimacy. Each email became a safe space, where his words gave form again to what had been silenced for so long.
“Thank you for your precious advice. You perfectly understood the state of mind in which I wish to orient my new sexual life. I admire your natural way of approaching very intimate subjects simply. You truly helped me open up in this area."
Exploring Taboos and an Education of Another Era
Very quickly, therapy revealed an invisible weight: sexual guilt rooted in his upbringing. François grew up in a time when male pleasure was expected but tightly framed, and where female desire remained a mystery—or even a taboo.
As a child, he learned to silence his emotions and to appear “strong.” As an adult, these reflexes persisted, preventing him from exploring a gentler, more emotional, more relational sensuality.
Writing Desire to Set It Free
One of the turning points in our work was the introduction of therapeutic erotic writing. I suggested an exercise: beginning every sentence with “I am a man who…”. The goal was to shape a new self-narrative—embodied, sensitive, and fully owned.
His responses were both poetic and powerful:
I am a man who dreams of making love to your soul. I am a man who loves to blend desire and tenderness. I am a man who knows how to turn every moment into shared pleasure.
Little by little, the “old man who no longer works” transformed into an “erotic, alive, sensitive man, capable of giving and receiving.”
From Theory to Practice: Rebuilding a Living Sexuality
Once his words were in place, François wanted to reconnect with his body. We set up a small solo exploration ritual, with no goal of orgasm or performance, but simply to inhabit his body differently.
He experimented with using a male sex toy in this context—not as a substitute for relationship, but as a tool for sensory reconnection.
He even asked me for advice on a female sex toy, not to “make a partner come,” but to imagine a shared intimate experience—non-penetrative, complicit, joyful, and inventive.
💬 “I still feel a form of taboo around my sexuality… an old guilt to eradicate. As if I didn’t have the right to it.” — François
Redefining Sexuality to Truly Thrive
What François achieved was not just an “adaptation.” It was a radical redefinition of what it means to be “a sexually active man at 86.”
It is no longer about erections or performance, but about connection, listening, shared desire, and pleasure lived in the present moment.
Even after all this work, traces of shame and prohibition remain. And that’s normal. Deconstructing taboos takes time. But the way he now looks at himself is infinitely gentler, more permissive, more grounded.
What I Take Away, as a Therapist
Supporting François was an honor. It is in moments like these that I remember why I chose this profession. Watching an 86-year-old man dare to explore, write, feel, eroticize, and change—there is no price for that.
And it is also proof:
➡️ There is no age limit for healing.
➡️ No age limit for loving and being loved.
➡️ No age limit for stepping out of learned scripts, suffocating norms, and internalized prohibitions.
➡️ No age limit for saying: “I still deserve a living, sincere, joyful sexuality.”
Your Turn
Do you recognize yourself in this journey, or does it inspire you?
Are you at a stage where your sexuality is changing, where your reference points are shifting, where your desires surprise or unsettle you?
I support clients via video or written messages. And together, we build a new story.
I’m Rachael, sex therapist and coach, and the person who will help you fully live your sexual life. Whether you’re unlearning old beliefs, facing sexual dysfunction, struggling with intimacy, or simply ready to stop holding yourself back.
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